* * *

Trowa tried to get comfortable on the hard chair outside Quatre's room. He hadn't been sleeping much at all. He found it hard to fully rest after everything that had happened. But Quatre needed to be alone right now, and Heero was asleep, as was Iria. Rashid had invited him down to the cafeteria, but Trowa had declined. He was still wary of being too far from Quatre. The green eyed boy shifted in the archaic, plastic torture device that the hospital called furniture. There was no way he could have slept in it under normal circumstances. But his body was exhausted, and before he knew it he was drifting off to sleep. It was then that the dreams started.


The room was dark, murky almost. Like he was seeing it through cloudy water. Trowa looked down and saw that he was kneeling. Quatre was lying prone, his body flat on his back, his blonde head inches from Trowa's knees. Trowa saw that Quatre's hands were pinned down by his own. His pale, slender arms stretched over his head. Then Wufei was there. He was on top of Quatre, hurting him. Trowa tried to move, to free Quatre, to stop Wufei. But his hands wouldn't move. They kept Quatre held fast. The blonde was crying bloody tears. They ran down his face, leaving crimson trails on the fair skin.


Trowa struggled, but he couldn't make his body move. He tried to apologize to Quatre, but he was stopped short when the blonde looked at him. Quatre smiled up at him, and mouthed the words I love you. The taller boy felt sickened. Here he was holding Quatre down, and all the blonde could do was offer him love. Trowa had never felt so helpless. He couldn't do anything to prevent this. Just the opposite in fact, he was helping Wufei. And Quatre just kept smiling, and saying he loved him. Trowa started screaming. Soundless wails that had no effect on what was happening in front of him. He couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop it..


Rashid stood before Trowa, shaking the boy, trying to awake him. He had come up here to tell Trowa to go get some rest, he would take a turn watching Master Quatre. At first he had been glad to see the tall boy sleeping, but as he neared he saw him turning fretfully in the chair. The older man could tell that he was having nightmares of some sort. He grabbed the boy's shoulders, and began to shake. It was a few moments before Trowa started to awaken. But even after he was awake the dream refused to leave him. He could still see everything vividly, like it was playing out before his eyes. It was all that Wufei had blamed him of, and more. Trowa shivered, the ever present feeling of helplessness weighing him down further.


Rashid watched him with worried eyes. "Master Trowa are you all right? Perhaps we should find you a bed to sleep in. I can take over watching Master Quatre.." Rashid trailed off as Trowa bolted out of the chair, and into Quatre's room.


The tall boy heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Quatre still there, and sleeping peacefully. Trowa rushed to the bedside. Tentatively he reached out and touched the fair skin of the boy's cheeks. He ran his fingers over the smooth skin, and then moved up to caress Quatre's golden hair. The brunette was still shaken from his dream. But touching Quatre, knowing he was safe, helped alleviate his fears. He sunk into the chair by the bed, and laid his head on the bed beside the blonde. Quatre was fine. Quatre was fine. His heart was still pounding from his dreams, but being near Quatre was soothing him. Both of Trowa's hands wrapped around one of Quatre's. His green eyes slid shut, as he started to calm. He was here, nothing would hurt Quatre while he was here. He would protect him.


Rashid gave Trowa a few minutes, and then followed him into the room. "Master Trowa?" he whispered. But he stopped as he saw that Trowa was already asleep again. With a small smile he left the room, closing the door silently on the two boys.

* * *

Quatre awoke, still a little shaken from earlier, and saw Trowa's head resting against his leg. And felt the way the green eyed boy was tightly clasping his hand. He watched the brunette for a few long moments. His mind was in turmoil over the feeling the taller boy caused him. He knew he loved Trowa. That was never debated. And he knew that Trowa loved him back. What little of him there was left to love. And therein lied the problem. What if he chained Trowa to himself for a lifetime, and he was never able to be the person he once was?


Trowa thought he was so perfect, still that same Quatre that he had first met. But he had changed so drastically. And there was no way he could go back to being the Quatre he once knew. He might never be able to have a true relationship, something that Trowa deserved. But he wanted Trowa so much. He couldn't bear to think of a lifetime without him. But was that fair? To ask Trowa to give up his life?


Trying to distract himself, he turned on the little TV resting high on the opposite wall. As the small screen came into focus it was filled with live broadcasts, and live pictures of a huge mobile suit battle. And then the news anchor said one sentence that sent Quatre into total shock. He jerked straight up in the bed.


"Trowa!"


Instantly the taller boy was wide awake on his feet. He looked frantically around the room, trying to find whatever it was that had frightened Quatre. But they were the only ones in the room. He turned his blurry eyes to the blonde. Quatre pointed to the television. Confused, Trowa turned to see what was going on.


"..I repeat, the war that has been raging in outer space for the past 3 days is over. The earth, and colony delegates are now meeting to discuss peace.."


The news anchor kept talking, but neither boy heard him. They turned to face each other. For one brief instant everything bad that had happened was forgotten.


Quatre smiled, really smiled, and impulsively moved to wrap his arms around Trowa's neck. "Peace, Trowa! No more fighting!"


The next thing Trowa knew Quatre was in his arms; hugging him tightly. The green eyed boy was in a state of shock. First peace, and now Quatre was hugging him. He couldn't decide which was better. Slowly, tentatively, he returned the embrace, winding his arms around Quatre's slender body. He hugged Quatre back lightly, not wanting to scare him. For better or worse, this was where he belonged.


The TV droned on, disregarded in the background. They lost themselves in the other's hold. It was chaste, and sweet. It was joy, and relief, and a lifetime of worry all released. Neither thought about what it meant or the consequences it might have. For this moment, all that mattered was that they were together.


Iria popped her head into the room smiling brightly. One would hardly have known the horror she had recently lived through. But it was there, lurking just under the surface of her fixed on grin. But she knew that for all she had seen, Quatre had *lived* worse. And she vowed to put on a happy face for him. When they parted then she could work on her own demons. But for now she would give her brother the closest thing to normal that she could. And seeing her brother, and Trowa hugging actually put a real smile on her face.


"What's the good news?" she asked, as she limped slightly into the room. Having been confined for so long her legs were still a little weak. It annoyed her to no end, but she was slowly overcoming it.


Upon hearing her, Quatre broke his embrace with Trowa, and moved away. He was surprised that he had been touching Trowa so closely in the first place. And.. and hugging him like that. He hadn't really thought about it. He had been so excited, and happy, it seemed natural to want to share that with the green eyed boy. But it bothered him. He didn't like to be touched, and yet his first instinct had been to wrap his arms around Trowa. Quatre was confused. On the one hand he didn't want anyone to touch him. And on the other he wanted to be close to Trowa. The conflicting wants made him uneasy, so he shifted further away, hoping the distance would help.


Trowa smiled softly at him, his eyes understanding. Truthfully he didn't understand. One minute Quatre didn't want him near him, and the next the blonde was hugging him. But he figured Quatre was more confused than he was so he let it go. They had time now to sort it all out. If the Arabian wanted a bit of space then he would give it. The last thing he wanted was for Quatre to be uncomfortable around him.


Trowa turned to Iria, "The war is over. We were celebrating."


Iria's mouth dropped open. "Just like that? It's all over?" She was beaming at them, for all outward appearances she looked to be extremely lighthearted.


Trowa looked at Iria, confused at her too happy attitude. She was acting like nothing was wrong. Everyone was else was always so somber, but she was all smiles. He didn't know if she was trying to pretend nothing had happened, or perhaps if this was her way of dealing with it. She caught his eyes, and he could see it then. The pain deep in their depths. It was then he understood what she was doing. She was trying to be brave for Quatre. Giving him some time to just be normal, and forget the past. He decided to play along. Quatre deserved a few minutes of freedom from everything.


Trowa nodded, a mock frown appearing on his face. "And they did it all without our help. I didn't even get to blow anything up. I feel useless."


The older woman rolled her eyes, "God save me from male pride, and the macho need to make things go boom."


Trowa sat down, pretending to pout. "But that's all I'm good at."


Iria sat on his lap and gave him a come hither look. "I'm sure you're good at a lot things," she purred. "I'm right down the hall if you'd like to show me."


Quatre was staring at her in disbelief, "IRIA!"


The blonde woman laughed, "Just teasing you, Quatre. Besides, Rashid is coming by later, and I'm not strong enough to take on both of them. Yet..," she winked at Trowa.


Quatre's cheeks were stained red. His sister did not just insinuate that her and Rashid.. He shook his head. She was always teasing him. Like the time he was twelve and she had told him that she was sleeping with their butler. The man had been eighty if he was a day. She had started to tell him that the man had lost none of his virility with age, but Quatre had been so embarrassed that he had fled. Later she told him it was a joke, but he never looked at the old butler the same. It comforted him to know that some things never changed.


Iria got up of Trowa's lap, and moved to sit on the bed. "So what are you going to do now that the war is over?"


Quatre looked at her, his eyes unsure. "I don't know.. I never thought.." He trailed off as his thoughts turned. He had never thought he would survive Wufei. The war had been far from his worries.


Iria and Trowa could see the change in Quatre's mood, and it worried both of them. But they both tried not to let it show.


"Well," she said, trying to lighten the mood back up, "maybe you guys should take a vacation. You certainly could use some sun, Quatre the friendly ghost."


Quatre crossed his arms over his chest, indignant over the nickname. " I am *not* that pale!"


Iria laughed, "Ok, Casper."


The blonde boy looked imploringly at the brunette, "Trowa! Make her stop."


Trowa smiled, his heart swelling when Quatre called on him to defend him. "Quatre is perfect just as is. Besides, I like his fair skin. It looks so adorable when he blushes."


At that, the blonde did blush. And Trowa had further endeared himself to Iria.


"Fine, " she said, faking annoyance, "call your boyfriend in to attack me."


"Would you rather I called Rashid?" Quatre asked.


Iria grinned wickedly, "Yes! And hopefully he attacks below the belt"


Quatre hit her with his pillow. "I did *not* just hear that.You are sick."


She looked thoughtful, "Maybe he and I can play doctor then. We are in the right place.."


A nurse walked into the room, putting a stop to whatever Iria was planning to say next. Quatre was grateful for the intrusion. She changed his IV bag, taking down the old one, and replacing it with one that was full.


Then she turned to Trowa and Iria, and began to shoo them from the room. "Out you two, he needs some more rest."


Quatre sighed. All he ever did was rest. He turned a pitiful look to Iria, begging her to stay.


"Nice try little brother, but you heard her." She turned to Trowa, "Will you help a wounded old lady back to her room?"


Trowa eyed Iria, "You aren't old. And even wounded, I bet you could still kick my ass."


Iria laughed, her eyes regaining some of their old sparkle, "Damn right!" she leaned over to Quatre, and whispered loudly enough for Trowa to hear, "You'd better snatch him up quick, baby brother, or else we might have to fight for him."


Trowa shook his head, and smiled. "Sorry, I only want the male Winner."


Iria sighed dramatically, "Ah, well. You can't blame a girl for trying. I wonder what Rashid is doing?"


Quatre's eyes went wide as saucers.


Iria laughed, "Just kidding Quatre. Maybe.."


Trowa took her arm, and helped her from the room. They closed the door behind them.


Inside the room Quatre let his mind wander back to when he had been younger. The short time with Iria had been like the old days. She had loved to tease him. Often she would say shocking things just to make him blush. He missed those times between them. He missed her laughter, and that evil glint her eyes got right before she said something outrageous. For a few precious moments he had known that feeling again. Today had been almost like that, with the addition of Trowa. It was a little startling how well his sister and Trowa got along. The brunette was usually reserved, but he and Iria really seemed to be comfortable around each other.


It was puzzling to Quatre. He couldn't figure out how they had gotten so close in so short a time. He wasn't aware of it, but they were. They shared one special, common bond. Their absolute love for him. And that drew them together tighter than anything else could.


Outside the room Iria's mood quickly changed from laughing to somber, "Did you mean what you said? About Quatre?"


Trowa nodded solemnly.


Iria examined him closely, looking for any doubts. She was surprised to find none, "You really do love my brother."


Again, Trowa nodded, not really trusting his voice.


Iria continued, "And you understand what that means? You know what happened, and that it will be a very long time before he heals. If he ever does.."


"I know all that, and it doesn't change what I feel. I want him for all that he is--even his pain. I don't want perfection, that's a dream. I want the real thing. And even if he never wants me back, even if all we ever are is friends, then that will be enough for me. Because.. I love him, and his happiness means more to me than my own."


Iria's eyes were soft. She could truly feel just how much this boy cared for her brother. "When he was younger, there was a house we used to vacation at. It's here on earth, right by the sea." Her tone was wistful, as she remembered days gone by. "Quatre loved the sea. It fascinated him to no end. Even on the worst days, he told me he thought of it, and it brought him solace." She had to wipe her eyes, before she could look at Trowa again. "Take him there, please. Take him there, and help him heal."


"How.. how will I find it?"


Iria waved her hand. She felt bad that she was pushing her brother's healing off on someone else. But she knew that right now she wouldn't be able to take care of him and herself. Finding this house for him would be the least she could do. "I think we still own it. I'll take care of everything, you just get him there. I'd go with you, but I'd only be in the way. Besides.. I need my own time to heal."


Trowa's eyes filled with dread, "Wufei didn't.."


Iria shook her head quickly, "No. He never touched me, not like that. But still, it was terrible. And then finding out what he did to Quatre.. hearing what went on before you got there.." Her eyes were haunted. "I just.. I need time."


"I understand."


Trowa helped her back to her room. Or, more correctly he followed behind her, since she refused help. Rashid was there, waiting for her to return. Iria motioned to the large man, and winked at Trowa. The brunette shook his head, but found he couldn't look Rashid in the eyes. Once he saw she was settled in he went back to Quatre. The blonde was tucked under the blankets, staring off into space. He had changed out of his hospital gown, and into some soft pajamas that Rashid had purchased for him.


"Not tired?" he asked as he took his customary seat next to the bed.


Quatre shook his head, "Not really. Just wondering what I will do when I leave here. I never really thought about it.."


"Well.. Iria mentioned something about the beach. Maybe we could go there." Trowa spoke carefully, not wanting to spook Quatre. He didn't know how the blonde boy felt about them living together. Not that he was planning to let the blonde out of his sight. Even if that meant his camping in the dunes.


But at the mention of the word beach he could see something change in Quatre's eyes. Their blue green depths shifted, as memories rose to the surface. They must have been good memories though, because Quatre had this look on his face that could be only be caused by thinking back on something good.


"Yes, " the blonde whispered. "I would like that."


Trowa was still a little worried. "And it would be all right with you if I came along?"


Quatre looked panicked for a minute. Live with Trowa? Was he ready for that? Seeing him day in and day out? He still wasn't sure how he felt about the taller boy. He knew that he loved him deep down in his heart, but he didn't know if he would ever be able to give that love to Trowa fully. And being around him was so confusing. One minute he wanted to run, and the next he wanted to be wrapped in his arms. And living with him would only intensify things. But the thought of living without him was worse. The idea that Trowa might leave, and not come back frightened him. That still didn't make the decision easy. And what about Heero? The Japanese boy had been in the back of Quatre's mind. They couldn't just leave him. Heero needed time to heal as much as they did.


"Yes, " he answered shakily. "And I think we should invite Heero as well."


Trowa was surprised, but he covered it quickly. But when he thought about for a moment he actually thought that was a good idea. Heero, like them, didn't have anywhere to go. And he too needed a place, and time to heal. And maybe between the three of them they could work out everything. After all, they had all been through this together.


"I think that is an excellent idea, Quatre" he said softly. "I'll talk to him later."


Quatre turned to him, a little hesitant. "Would you mind if I went? I'd like to talk with him anyway.


Trowa looked at him closely, sensing the worry. He had an idea of what Quare wanted to talk about. "There's plenty of time to worry about the past, Quatre. The things we can't change. It takes time. We have that now."


"But.. there are things that he doesn't know.. Things I need to tell him."


"He knows, Quatre." Trowa looked at him pointedly. "Wufei told us everything... about that first night. And.. other times, as well." He stumbled over the words, knowing as hard as it was to say them it was just as hard to hear them. None of them wanted to remember any of what had happened. And yet it would always be engraved in their memories.


"So he knows.." The blonde's voice dropped until it was barely audible, "about Duo?"


Trowa nodded. Quatre bowed his head. He had planned on telling Heero, one day. But he had never wanted him to find out like this. Quatre could have softened the blow. But he was sure Wufei hadn't. The Chinese boy had told them everything, each detail described with perfect clarity. His heart went out to Heero, for having suffered so much.


The blonde pushed the covers away and stood. "I need to go talk with him."


Trowa shook his head. "It can wait until we've all had time to think. Everything it too fresh."


"No, Trowa. I have to do this. Please don't stand in my way."


The brunette wavered. He couldn't forcibly hold Quatre back if the boy wanted to go. But at the same time he didn't think was a good idea. Both Heero and Quatre had been through so much. These last few weeks, and even the months leading up to them had been so awful for the two of them. He didn't think either was ready to relive all of that just yet.


"Trowa, please. I don't want to deal with everything all in one day. But I won't feel right until I at least talk to him."


Trowa sighed. But he couldn't bring himself to deny Quatre anything. He knew that the blonde wanted his approval. And he had faith that Quatre knew what he was getting into. All he could do was hope that their talk didn't destroy either of them.


"All right, Quatre. I trust that you know what you're doing. Come on, I'll walk you there."


"No, I'd like to go by myself. This is something Heero and I need to talk about alone."


Trowa opened his mouth to disagree, but closed it. He didn't understand why, but this was something Quatre felt he had to do. But it pleased him to see Quatre wanting to venture out. This wasn't exactly the situation he was hoping for, but it looked to be a step in a positive direction. Quatre was trying to stand on his own, and Trowa decided he should let him.


"I'll be waiting here for you then."


Quatre halfheartedly smiled at him, and left, dragging his IV stand with him. Trowa watched him go, his heart heavy. He hoped he hadn't just made a huge mistake.

* * *

Quatre padded quietly down the hall to Heero's room. He walked with his head down now. He wasn't sure when exactly he had started to do it, but now it was second nature. As he shuffled the halls toward Heero's room, his blonde head was bowed. He didn't like meeting people's eyes anymore. He felt naked when people looked into his eyes. Like they could see down to his very soul. And he was sure that wasn't a very pretty sight.


So instead he opted to look at the floor, watching his feet as he walked. It was strangely comforting in a way. He could ignore everyone around him, and just watch the steady motion of one foot moving in front of the other. The world seemed to fade into background noise. A low hum that he could tune out as his feet continued to move. His IV stand rolled next to him, his fingers wrapped tightly around it. The slightly squeaky sound of the wheels was the only thing he could hear. It was almost musical. Like a wrong note played by a clarinet, or maybe an oboe.


All too soon he reached the door way. He didn't feel as confident as he had moments ago. A small part of him desperately wished for the Japanese boy to be asleep. Then he could put off this conversation for another day. Preferably one in the very far future. But, as he entered the room cobalt blue eyes locked on him.


Heero was surprised to see Quatre. He had planned on visiting him later today, but now the blonde was here. He watched in silence as the other boy pulled a chair close to his bed, and sat down in it. Quatre looked terribly nervous, as if he was facing his executioner.


"H-Heero.. Trowa told me that before he died Wufei told you everything. About.. Duo.. and everything. And I..," Quatre paused, the air thick with tense silence. He wasn't sure how to continue. An apology seemed so meaningless now. But he could offer nothing else. "I'm sorry about Duo." His voice was nothing but a pained whisper. "I'm sorry that I didn't t-tell you about what happened. And I'm.. I'm sorry that I let it happen."


Heero twisted the blankets in his hands. It hurt to talk about Duo, and even more so to hear Quatre blame himself for the whole thing. "You think I blame you for that?"


Quatre didn't look up. He was too afraid of what he might see. He wasn't sure he could take blind hatred right now. "You should. I was there, and I didn't stop it. If it was anyone's fault it was mine."


The dark haired boy closed his eyes, those all too familiar words reverberating in his head. He briefly wondered if this was how Trowa had felt when talking to him. "Do you think you could have stopped it, Quatre?"


The blonde hung his head even lower. Heero's voice didn't sound angry, but he knew from experience that the calmness could be even worse. "I should have been able to! If I wasn't so weak then maybe.. maybe Duo would still be alive."


Heero took a minute to study Quatre. The blonde's shoulders were slumped. In fact, his whole body seemed to sag under the weight of some invisible force. The blue eyed boy reached a hand out and placed it on Quatre's head. The Arabian flinched, as if expecting a blow to follow.


Quatre still didn't look up. He was waiting for Heero to hit him, or curse him, or resort to some sort of violence. "If.. if you'd like to hit me Heero, I would understand."


Heero yanked his hand away like he'd been burned. Quatre tensed for the coming pain. But after a few seconds, when he felt none, he glanced up. Heero was openly staring at him, his eyes sad. "Do you honestly think that I would like to hit you?"


The blonde looked surprised. Heero seemed to be hurt that he would think that. And that confused the smaller boy. Quatre had just admitted to not stopping Duo's death. He couldn't see a reason for Heero to *not* want to hit him.


Heero saw his turmoil, and was at a loss as to how to convince him. Was Quatre so broken that all he expected from people was violence?


The Japanese boy sighed, "Quatre, I don't want to hit you." He looked the Arabian deep in the eyes. "And I don't blame you for what happened to Duo. Wufei was sick, I don't think any of us could have stopped him." Quatre started to speak, but Heero wouldn't let him. "I know you did everything you could. And you.. you saved the rest of us. That wasn't easy to do, Quatre, but you did it."


Quatre shook his head, clearly disagreeing. He hadn't done anything. He had stood by and watched while Wufei had killed Duo. He deserved what had happened to him. He was weak, like Wufei always said. It he wasn't then he would have saved Duo.


Heero took a deep breath. He had to ask something impossibly hard of Quatre. He didn't know if this was the right time. But he didn't think there would ever be one. "Quatre..," he began hesitantly, "I need to ask you something. You might not want to answer right now, and I'll understand if you don't. But it's something I need to know, and you're the only one who can tell me."


Quatre began to pluck at his pajamas, frightened of what Heero was going to ask. But he felt he owed whatever the answer was to the dark haired boy. "What.. what is it?"


Heero squeezed his eyes shut, and forced the words out. "Tell me about the night Duo died..."


The blonde swallowed a few times. Scenes from the night flashed through his head. Everything he saw was bathed in red, as if blood was covering the images. Red. Duo. Red. Wufei. Red. Pain. Quatre started to panic. He didn't want to relive this, not here, not now. It was too fresh, the pain, like an unhealed wound he was scratching. He shook his head frantically, willing what he was seeing to go away.


"I.. I can't Heero," his voice was hardly a whisper. "I know that I owe it to you to tell you.. but please don't make me do it right now," he pleaded.


Heero could feel the fear radiating from Quatre like it was something tangible and not just an emotion. He struggled, fighting with the need to know, and the need to soothe Quatre. But seeing the blonde so obviously shaken, he knew that he would have to wait.


"It's all right, Quatre." He kept his voice low, and calm. It wasn't easy, he felt like he wanted to break apart into a thousand pieces from all the hurt. His hurt, Quatre's hurt, Duo's hurt. It bombarded him on all sides. "You don't have to tell me now. It was probably wrong of me to ask."


Quatre shook his head slowly, "No, it wasn't wrong. You deserve to know. And one day I'll try to be strong enough to tell you. I owe you that."


"You don't owe me anything."


The blonde steadied himself. He was a little taken aback by how kindly Heero was treating him. Not that he had thought that Heero was cruel, but under the circumstances he had a right to be. The Arabian decided to plunge forward and ask Heero to come with them. He was quickly losing his courage, and wanted nothing more than to flee from the room.


Quatre reached out, and rested his hand on the blanket. He didn't touch Heero, and his hand was far enough away to move it if Heero came to close. "Heero, Trowa wants to go to the beach. My family has a home there. We used to visit it when I was a child."


The blonde's eyes took on the same softness as Iria's, and his tone the same wistfulness. He could remember the summers they had spent there. When he was free to roam the beach, and watch perfect sunsets. When his biggest problem was the time he had cut his foot on a stray oyster shell. His blue green eyes held all the remembrances of a child's carefree days. A child. He was still young, but had he ever truly been one?


He shook himself out of times gone by, and continued. "It's beautiful there." His voice became quiet, almost shy, "I'd like it if you came with us."


Heero hesitated. It did sound nice, but he knew he'd only be a third wheel. Quatre and Trowa had each other, they didn't need him around getting in the way. "I don't think so Quatre."


The blonde's face crumpled. Heero felt awful. He hadn't meant to sound so opposed to the idea. Truth be told it sounded wonderful. He didn't have anywhere else to go, and the thought of leaving his friends and being alone wasn't a happy one. But Quatre and Trowa needed time to work on their relationship. And he would only hinder that.


Quatre stood up, preparing to leave. "Will you just.. think about it? It would really be nice if you were there."


Heero nodded, and tried to smile. Quatre shuffled out the room and closed the door behind him. Heero was alone again, with only his solitude as comfort. It was a very depressing friend indeed.

* * *

Trowa, true to his word, was calmly sitting, and waiting for his return. When Quatre came back, the taller boy could see the strain on his face. He ushered Quatre back into bed. The blonde, too worn out to resist, climbed in. Trowa pulled the blanket over him, and sat next to him on the bed.


"Quatre..," he ventured, "are you all right?"


The smaller boy looked at him, searching his face for something. Trowa wasn't sure if he saw what he was looking for, but the blonde lowered his head. "He doesn't want to go with us Trowa. I don't know if it's because he's angry at me, or if it's something else."


The brunette frowned, desperately wishing he had been there for whatever they had talked about. Quatre didn't seem too upset, it was more like he was exhausted. Like the conversation had drained him. "I'm sure he isn't angry at you. He's just had a rough time as well. Let him get used to the idea, and then we'll talk to him again."


Quatre looked up at him again, his eyes grateful. "Would you do that Trowa? He needs this as much as we do. And.. I.. promised to watch out for him." He whispered.


Trowa nodded, trying to smile for Quatre's benefit. "Of course I will. now, maybe you should rest. You look a little tired. We can ask him again when you've had some sleep."


Quatre leaned back. A nap did sound nice.


Rashid knocked on the door, his face grave. "Master Quatre, the police are here to see you."


The Arabian's face turned white. He was still upset from his talk with Heero, and now he had to deal with the police. He felt light headed. Trowa saw how pale he was, and knew that the blonde wasn't going to be able to handle this right now.


Trowa stepped in, "Tell them he's not up to talking. Ask them to come back."


Rashid sighed, "I tried that, but they said they have come back. They need to talk to him, and I'm afraid they're not taking no for an answer."


Trowa could see that the older man's hands were tied on this. He could tell by Rashid's face that he was angry at himself for not being able to prevent this. But even with his size and strength he had no power in this situation.


Quatre, even in his state could see that too. "I understand Rashid. Please show them in."


"Master Quatre..," he began.


The blonde shook his head, "It's all right, I know you tried."


The large man nodded, and went into the hall to show the officers in. The was a man and a woman, both dressed in plain clothes.


The man looked at the notebook he was carrying, and then at Quatre. "Quatre Raberba Winner?"


The blonde nodded.


The officer looked at the other two. "Can you please wait outside?"


Trowa and Rashid looked at Quatre. If he wanted them to stay nothing on earth would move them from the room. But the blonde nodded, letting them know he could do this on his own. He actually wanted them to go. He knew it would be hard enough to face this. He wasn't sure he could do it if they were here. Trowa and Rashid glared at the officers, letting them know with their eyes what would happen to them if they made Quatre upset.


The female officer shut the door firmly behind them, and moved to sit in the chair by the bed. "Mr. Winner, we just have a few questions, and then we'll leave all right?"


Quatre nodded, his heart rate already beginning to quicken.


"When the hospital find out that someone has been raped it's routine for them to call the police, so we can file a report. But we were also called in after you were abducted. Now, if we're going to catch who ever did this to you we need you to give us a description of the suspect. And also, we're going to need to know the events that happened."


Quatre was starting to shake. He closed his eyes, but opened them quickly as all the events he had seen began to play out. He whimpered softly, trying to contain the crushing terror building inside him. He mentally yelled at himself to stay strong and deal with this. But just the thought of having to repeat, and thereby relive, all of what he'd gone through was staggering.


"Mr. Winner? Mr. Winner?" the officer was trying to get some response from the boy. His face was ashen and his slender body was trembling. "Mr. Winner, please try to concentrate. I know this is hard, but if you help us we're one step closer to catching this guy."


Quatre shook his head forcing the words out. "I.. I wasn't raped. I consented. And I wasn't kidnapped, I went along willingly."


The male officer shook his head, and moved to the other side of the bed, keeping the boy between them. "Mr. Winner, we know you're scared. This must have been awful for you. But if you don't help us then who ever did this will walk free."


Quatre started shaking harder. He was pinned between them, he couldn't get away. They were too close, he couldn't breathe. "I.. please.."


"Mr. Winner," the man's voice sounded angry. In reality it was calm, and cool, but to Quatre it sounded hateful. "We saw pictures of what you looked like. You were covered head to toe with bruises, and cuts, and welts. And you were brought in almost dead. He almost killed you. And you were taken while unconscious. How could you agree to that?"


Quatre was panicking now. There were pictures? Everyone knew what had been done to him. They had seen what Wufei had made him into. They knew, and they were mad at him. He shrunk down, trying to disappear into the bed.


The man leaned closer. "Mr. Winner, Quatre, surely you don't want this guy to hurt anyone else?"


Quatre shook his head. No, he wanted to protect the others. That was all he had ever wanted. To save them. "I tried to save them..," he whispered.


The woman patted his hand, which only made Quatre more afraid. "It's not your fault, this guy is a monster. We know you didn't agree to let him hurt you. Now tell us the truth, and we'll do our best to bring him to justice."


The male officer continued, "He hurt you, don't let him hurt others. Tell us the truth. Tell us what he did."


Quatre tried to tune them out. He willed then to go away, to leave him alone. But they wouldn't leave. They just kept crowding him, getting closer and closer, until he felt them would smother him.  He felt like they were on top of him, pushing him down. But, in truth they weren't even that close.


"Please..., "he tried to ask them to go, but he was too distraught. Where was Trowa? Where was Rashid? He needed help.


"Please, What, Mr. Winner?"


Quatre started rocking back and forth, "Please, don't make me.."


The two officers were trying their best to remain calm. Many rape victims didn't want to come forward. Some were afraid, or they didn't want anyone to know. But the extent of this boy's injuries went beyond the average case. This was attempted murder. There was evidence of a lengthy time of abuse, which could even prove premeditation. They also believed that the kidnapper was the one behind all of it. But they had to get the whole story from the boy.


"Come on Mr. Winner. We know that you didn't agree to be raped. No one *agrees* to that. And it happened more than once, didn't it? And this guy also hurt you a lot too, didn't he? He hit you, cut you? He was also the one that kidnapped you, wasn't he? That wasn't your fault, Quatre."


Quatre pulled his knees to his chest, and buried his face in them. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to remember. It hurt to remember.


He could hear Duo's voice echoing over and over in his head. "Take care of Heero for me Quatre. I love him you know. Take care of Heero for me Quatre. I love him you know. Take care of Heero for me Quatre. I love him you know."


Quatre cried out. He had tried. He had tried to hard to take care of all them. He tried to protect them. And these people were saying it wasn't his fault. But it was. It all was. He had tried to help, but he only made a mess of everything. He was useless. He couldn't do anything right.


Wufei started to taunt him, to remind him of how stupid and worthless he was. "You never had much worth, did you angel? Not worthy of your Father, not worthy of your colony, not even worthy of your Trowa."


Not worthy. Not worthy. Not worthy. The officers were staring at him. He could feel their eyes on him. He knew what they thought. They thought he was dirty, and used. And that he was too useless to help anyone else. They kept saying he had to help others. Didn't they know he had tried?  All of this had been for the others. But he had failed. He couldn't save them. He rocked harder, his face still pressed to his knees.


The officers looked at each other, and then at the boy. They were concerned at his behavior. The woman left to find one of the others that had been in here. When she opened the two rushed at her, both demanding to know what was going on.


"He was fine at first, and then we started asking question he began to act strangely."


Trowa looked past her, and saw a terrified Quatre huddled on his bed. He pushed the woman aside, and ran into the room.


The male officer looked at him in disbelief. "I don't know what happened. He just...," the man stopped when he saw the murder in Trowa's eyes.


The green eyed boy was shaking in anger. "Get out, and don't come back."


The man pulled himself up to full height, trying to look intimidating. "You can't interfere with official police business. We have to find out who did this."


Trowa grabbed the man, and forcibly yanked him to the door. Then he shoved him hard. "The guy who did this is dead. I saw him kill himself. But if you need a statement *I* will give you one later. In the meantime stay the fuck away from Quatre, you hear me!"


The man stumbled into the hallway. Both of the officers, and Rashid stared at Trowa. And they all knew he was dead serious.


"Fine." The officer said, dusting himself off, "We'll be back later to talk to you."


Trowa shut the door in his face. Then he turned to Quatre. the blonde was still huddled around himself. Trowa took a deep breath, and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. He reached a hand out, and lightly touched the top of Quatre's head. The Arabian recoiled from his touch.


"Quatre, it's me Trowa. I sent those people away, you're ok now. I won't let them come back. You never have to see them again." He kept his voice as soft as possible. He wanted to scream and rant, and hit the officers for doing this to Quatre. But he forced himself to keep control. That was the only way he could help.


The blonde looked up when he heard that familiar voice. His blue green eyes were filled with the phantoms of all he had lived. "Trowa?" his voice was small, and scared.


"Yes, it's me. I'm here now."


Without warning Quatre launched himself at Trowa and clung to the taller boy. "I'm sorry Trowa. I'm sorry."


Trowa gathered him into his arms and held him tight. "Sshhh.. you don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry I let them in. It won't happen again. I'll take care of it."


"I tried to tell them, I tried.. They wouldn't listen. They didn't understand.." Quatre was frantic, trying to explain.


Trowa smoothed the blonde's hair, trying to calm him down. He could feel the thin frame shaking in his arms.


"I know you did. I know you tried. You were so brave to do that. I'll talk to them, and they won't bother you anymore."


Quatre was calming down considerably. He finally realized where he was. For a second he returned Trowa's embrace, hugging the brunette to him. Then he backed away, retreating to safer ground.


Trowa let him go, glad to see he was recovering, but missing the warmth of him in his arms. "I think it's time for that nap now."


Quatre hesitated, but pulled the covers over himself. Sleeping wasn't exactly his favorite thing to do. He didn't like being unaware of what was going on around him. And when he slept someone could do something to him.. But, he was surprised to find how tired he was. The day had taken its toll on him. He closed his eyes, willing sleep to claim him quickly, before he had time to think. Maybe for once, sleep would mean rest. And maybe he could forget the last day. At least, for a while.


"Will you..," he asked drowsily.


"Will I what?" Trowa asked quietly.


"Will you stay here until I fall asleep?" he asked. His voice slightly worried.


Trowa smiled at him. "Of course I will. I'll stay right here until you wake up."

* * *

Rashid, after herding the officers out of the hospital, rushed back to Quatre's room. He was surprised to find Quatre sleeping, with Trowa sitting in the chair next to him. He had expected a much worse scene. "How is he?"


Trowa tore himself away from gazing at the boy to look at Rashid. "I'm not sure. They really scared him. I managed to get him to rest, he really needed it."


The older man nodded and pulled up another chair to sit facing Trowa. He watched Quatre for a minute, assuring himself that the boy was fine. Then he turned to Trowa.


"That's twice in one day that something of this nature has happened." At Trowa's startled look Rashid explained, "I talked to the doctor who tried to examine him this morning. Even if I can't be at his side every hour of the day, rest assured I do know what is going on with Master Quatre."


Trowa nodded. Had that only been this morning? Time within the hospital walls seemed to flow at its own pace. He should have known that Rashid would want to be informed of everything that went on. In the future he would have to remember to tell the man himself.


Rashid continued, "The Doctors say that he's healing well. He should be able to be released in a few days. After what happened today I think that taking him far away from here would be a good thing. We'll settle matters with the police ourselves. Mistress Iria told me of the beach.. Have you talked to Master Quatre about that?"


"Yes. He likes the idea. The look in his eyes when I mentioned it..," Trowa smiled softly. "It was like seeing some of the old Quatre coming back."


The older man shifted in his chair, a look Trowa couldn't distinguish coming over his face. "Yes.. but you have to know that the Quatre we once knew has been hurt very badly. I don't think we'll ever be able to bring that Quatre back. But maybe with time we help him find part of who he once was."


"I know," Trowa said sadly. "I'm not trying to pretend none of this happened. And I don't expect Quatre to ever be the same." He looked at Rashid with mourn filled eyes. "I just want him to be happy is all."


Rashid looked at Quatre, his features becoming almost gentle. Not a small feat for a man who looked like he could tear you limb from limb. It struck Trowa just how much the other man cared for Quatre. He had known it from the day had spoken before. But now he was seeing it. His gaze was tender as he stared at the small boy. Like a father looking at his son. And wanting only the best for him. The Arabic man looked like he was getting choked up.


"Master Quatre is lucky to have you." Trowa was about to deny that, thinking that he hadn't been there for Quatre when he needed him most, but Rashid held up his hand to stop him. "You can't change past mistakes, Trowa. And wallowing in them won't do any good. All you can do is hope for the future. And knowing that you'll be there to help him.. that gives me hope."


Rashid stood, needing some fresh air at the moment. He placed a large hand on Trowa's shoulder, and smiled at him. Trowa feebly returned the smile. The older man started for the door.


"Rashid?"


He turned, "Yes?"


"Do you think you could send Heero in here? I need to talk to him, but I promised Quatre I wouldn't leave."


"Of course," he said.


Then he was gone, leaving Trowa to think over his words.

* * *

Heero was laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was still mulling over the conversation between himself and Quatre. He didn't have much else to do. He could still recall exactly how the blonde had looked when Heero had refused the invitation. The Japanese boy felt like kicking himself. But Quatre had only invited him out of politeness, right? The Arabic boy didn't really want him to come, did he? Then why had he looked so crushed? Heero cursed himself, and rolled over.


This was for the best. Quatre and Trowa could be alone, and work out everything, and live happily ever after. And he.. He would go back to fighting the war somewhere and live alone. Friendless, lonely, unhappy. With only his nightmares and memories as his companions. But that was fine. He'd lived most of his life that way. Except for the few short hours he'd spent in Duo's arms.. But he wasn't going to think of that right now. He could go back to living the way he had before.


He was shaken from his thoughts when a knock sounded on his door. He didn't answer, hoping whoever it was would just go away, and leave him alone. He needed to get used to being that way again. But the person opened the door anyway, and let themselves in.


"Master Heero," came the deep voice.


Heero turned, surprised to see Rashid. "Yes?"


"Master Trowa would like to speak with you. He asked that you come to Master Quatre's room. He would have come to you, but he promised not to leave Master Quatre's side."


"Is Quatre all right?" he asked, his voice concerned.


Rashid nodded. "There was an incident with the police earlier, but he's sleeping now."


Heero paused, "Maybe now isn't the best time then.."


The older man studied him for a minute. "I don't know what happened between you, Master Trowa and that.. that..," he tried to compose himself before he began to scream in Arabic. "But I can see that you have been hurt badly. Whether you know it or not Master Quatre needs you. And perhaps.. you need him as well."


"He has Trowa," Heero whispered. "They don't need me getting in the way."


"Yes, Master Quatre will need Master Trowa to get through this. He loves him very much. But.. he also needs a friend. Sometimes it's hard to be open with the ones we love, especially in matters like this. But I know Master Quatre looks up to you, so maybe the two of you could confide in each other. I think you might need a friend too.."


Heero pulled back the covers and climbed out of the bed. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to just talk with Trowa.."


Rashid nodded, and smiled at him. Heero made his way down the hall to Quatre's room.

* * *

Rashid went outside to clear his head. The stars were very clear in the night sky. They shimmered, and twinkled. He stared up at them, trying to collect his thoughts. He thought back to his first meeting with Quatre. The pain that he had seen his blue-green eyes. They way Quatre had pushed him out of the way, and taken a bullet meant for him. The way he had fought to help him, and the Maguanacs.


Since then he had seen Quatre grow into a fine young man. Smart, caring, sensitive, and.. still willing to give his life to help someone else. He couldn't have been more proud of Quatre if he had been his own son. He had tried to protect Quatre as best he could, but it hadn't been enough. Someone had broken that peaceful loving soul, and he didn't know if they could ever repair it. Rashid wandered from the lights of the hospital, into the darkness. And there, in solitude, he wept for him almost-son.

* * *

Heero reached Quatre's room, and rapped lightly on the door frame. Trowa turned, and motioned for him to come in. Heero entered and sat in the chair Rashid had been using. "You wanted to talk to me?"


Trowa nodded, and plunged right in. "Quatre told me he asked you to come with us, after you both get released. And you said no. I'd like you to reconsider."


Heero dropped his eyes, looking at the floor. His brow knitted together as he struggled to think of the right words to explain how he felt. Trowa took the silence as a no, and continued on. "Where are you going to go, Heero?" he asked quietly. "The war is over and--"


"The war is over?" Heero's eyes went wide as he digested this new piece of information. Now he really had nothing. He supposed he could get a job somewhere. He had skills far beyond his years, surely someone would hire him. And then he could fine a nice little apartment, and live all by himself until he died, miserable and alone.


"I.. I didn't know it was over. I hadn't heard," Heero said. "I thought.."


"You thought you'd just go back and fight again, and try to deal with it on your own?"


Heero nodded, and lifted his head to look at Quatre. The blonde looked so peaceful, resting in his bed. It was hard to believe all he had been through. And even after that he still thought of Heero. Still worried about him, and wanted him to be cared for.


"I figured Quatre was just being nice. That he was offering out of guilt, or politeness."


"He wasn't. He's cares about you, Heero. We both do. And we know that you need time to heal as well. Like it or not.. we're all in this together. It's effected all of us. And I think maybe.. maybe together we can all get through it."


Heero swallowed a few times, trying to sort everything out. The war was over. No more fighting, no more battles. Nothing left to do with his life. No where to go. Except.. here were two people that truly seemed to care about his well being. They were offering him a chance. And he found himself wanting to take it. He had thought of them as his friends for a while now. But he was finally beginning to understand just what that word meant.


"Yes. I'd.. like to go with you two."


Trowa smiled. They still had a long road ahead, but they'd be facing together.


~~~~~

tbc.